Tonight I stared at my sink, it's surprisingly something I do often. Something inside me slows down when I have to do the dishes and I often find myself standing with a blank mind and my hands submerged in a sink of hot sudsy water.
But tonight my sink was empty, except for sippy cups. Yellow ones, green ones, blue ones - and I thought out loud to myself "My life is full of sippy cups" as if that was all "I" is made of - plastic sippy cups, some cracked, some with traces of apple juice and some with fading deer stickers on them.
A life full of sippy cups; and a year ago I would have started crying, most likely sobbing that my life was made up of sippy cups. Tonight instead I thought to myself next; "praise the Lord for sippy cups" (hallelujah, hallelujah you are making all things new...)
Rather than allowing myself to be discouraged that my Saturday night sink was full of sippy cups instead of fancy wine glasses; I chose to acknowledge it as a milestone in my new life.
I have friends that I pray for nightly that would love nothing more than to have a sink full of sippy cups, that pray themselves for a little person in their life and are constantly facing that struggle (you taught my feet to dance upon disappointment, and I, I will worship...) so I choose instead to be so thankful for the blessing of sippy cups in my sink.
And like I said, a year ago I would not have felt this way (If I told you my story, you would hear victory over the enemy; If told you my story, you would hear freedom that was won for me; If I told you my story, you would hear life overcome the grave) I would have angrily grieved my old life and stood at the sink crying wondering when I would feel normal again, when I would sleep again, breath again and run again.
But these sippy cups are a symbol of just how far we have come, that I feel normal again, I can breath again and I can run again. Small glimmers of independence are returning again - I get mornings out on the road for long runs by myself, I let my toddler play with other kids while I take classes at the gym, and on the rare occasion I even sleep in....its as if these sippy cups are actually saving my life.(Awake my soul to sing, with Your breath in me, I will worship...)
I ran my 5th Half Marathon a couple months ago - it was awful and wonderful. The course took us past Niagara Falls and at approx. 6km my shoes got wet because of the mist - this resulted in the blister of all blisters and ending the race by walking the last 8km and filling my shoe with blood. But it was wonderful as well, because I did it - I had a baby, I survived the first year and I still ran a Half Marathon. I was returning to me, as a new me.
I have new goals now, new challenges (I will trust, here in the mystery, I will trust in You completely) and new ways to approach my running goals. I am on a plan, spending as much time in the gym as on the road, I wake early to run and peek in on Lincoln while I sweat and he plays.
Sippy cups are just a season, before I know it I will be washing dishes with wrinkled hands and an empty house. So I try hard, so very hard to rest in this season; knowing it will not last and one day I will look back and wish it had.