8 days ago.

I ran the GoodLife Toronto Half Marathon last Sunday.

8 days ago.

and I haven't blogged about it until tonight.

I blogged about my first Half Marathon within a few hours of returning home; but it has taken 8 days to finally sit down and write. I could blame it on how busy work has been, the hours I have spent outside getting the yard ready for spring - but since blogs are known to be the most "honest" places for people to write; I suppose the true story must come out :)

The run went good - not great but good. I wanted to beat my time from Niagara falls but was actually 2 minutes slower. The run was much more hilly than I expected - at 3k I turned a corner and this appeared:

I couldn't believe my eyes. The last thing I expected to see at 3k was a km long hill being climbed by the thousands of runners ahead of me. I almost thought it was a joke - I kept thinking that must be the full marathoners course and I was going to turn just at the base of the hill and head a different more downhill way.

That of course was not the case :)

I climbed that hill with determination and when I reached the top I thought - "OK, this may not be a new PB race - just work on finishing strong" and when the next hill came, than the next hill, than the next I continued to just work on finishing strong.

Than 16k came - and I was so tired; my legs were killing from the hills and I felt so exhausted - I called my biggest fan in the world - Stuart - for a little encouragement as for the first time during a race I really thought I might not be able to finish - that was were my mindset changed; and I decided that my only goal would be to finish this run.

It was by far the hardest run that I have ever ran and when I crossed that finish line it was sheer joy to be done! I could care less that I was 2 minutes slower than my first one - all I could care about was taking my shoes off and that cold chocolate milk waiting!

I was so happy! So glad to be able to say I had ran 2 Half Marathons - until Tuesday hit.

I came home so proud and happy and than on Tuesday it all came down.

I was embarrassed by my run; I felt stupid and frustrated that I was so slow - and I felt like I couldn't really be considered a runner unless I could push out a 1hr 30min Half Marathon.

The joy of "just finishing" had left and all I felt was silly for even trying to be this "Half Marathon Runner".

It took awhile to get out of the funk - I found an article online that said I was allowed to mope around about the bad run for 1 week before I had to stop. And I used that full week :)

The article was really good actually so for anyone that has felt the same way here it is-

How to let go of a bad race.....

So I moped around for a week, and tried to sell my Garmin online - and swore I would never tie up my bright rainbow New Balance's again - for one week; than this past Saturday I laced up with my running partner and ran the Chatham Kent Spring Sprint 5k - and it felt good; once my legs remembered what running was.

She encouraged me greatly as always as I shared the running darkness I had been stuck in all week - she laughed at me feeling like a silly runner after finishing 2 Half Marathons in 6 months and she pushed me to sprint the last 500 metres. She reminded me of how far I have come and what I am capable of. I am deeply blessed to have a running partner (and friend) like her.

And tonight we went out again - trying to get down to a 30min 5k for a race we are doing in June - and the breeze felt nice on my face; my legs felt strong and for a few minutes I felt like a runner again.....      :)