Saturday, 8 September 2012

I cannot sing like Beyonce.

I could see the red dot moving further into the foreground.  Each time I looked up it seemed further away, and my footsteps seemed louder and the pain in my shoulder stung with each deep breath in.  The wind was blowing against me, my shoulder was working against me - it felt like time was moving against me.

The red dot was the t-shirt of my running partner - a good km and a half ahead of me on our 16km long run this morning, we started out together, we met up at the halfway and now we were heading back home.

Though she was so far ahead I could almost hear the pounding of her techno music in her headphones and I could picture her matching her stride to the beat.  I glanced down at my iphone and thought maybe I should try new music - than I remembered the deal I made with God - and turned my music up to drown out the wind and my breath ("His love is deep, His love is wide and it covers us; His love is fierce, His love is strong it is furious. His love is sweet, His love is wild and it's waking hearts to life")

There have been many discouragers on this running journey - ones that would smile politely with sarcastic eyes when I tell them of my 3hr half marathon - ones that would complain I am too slow to run with - ones that would laugh awkwardly when I spoke of my goals - there have been more encouragers than I can count, but today at 11km all I could hear was the discouragers.

And this is the mental part they talk about, the 90% mental part of running, of putting one foot ahead of the other for hours at a time. My husband in his wisdom always tells me to stop being friends with the discouragers - his heart feels heavy when I tell him what was said; he says he loves my running and the best feeling in the world is crying each time I cross a 21.1km finish line.

I kept that in mind when the discouragers hit in the wind and rain at 11km; and I told myself my new motto "This morning I did not wake up frustrated that I will not win a Grammy this year"

I am an awful singer; a more awful singer than runner :) and I have never once beat myself up over the fact that I will never sing like Beyonce.

So why than, at 11km would I ever allow myself to be frustrated that I will not run Detroit as fast as Dayna Pidhoresky will (Detroit Half Marathon winner) ? Why would I listen to the discouragers in my life, and allow myself to think "maybe I am too slow, maybe this is silly, maybe I should take up something else" I quit running this week, as I have hundreds of times before, and decided I would find something else to "try" because clearly I am not good enough at running.

But maybe the truth is I am not made to run a 1:50 Half Marathon, maybe I am made to run a 3hr Half Marathon.

I will be turning 29 tomorrow - 2 years ago I completed a Try-a-Tri and had to run 2km - I thought it was going to kill me - I remember saying over and over 2km, 2km, 2km you can do it, 2km.  And now I am training for my 3rd Half Marathon - I will complete a race that only 3% of people are capable of completing.

I did not wake up this morning frustrated that I will not be nominated for a Grammy, I will most likely not be asked to sing lead in the choir (or even be in the choir lol) but God has given me the ability to run for 21.1km - when my heart is being awoken to living for eternity and not for possessions, goals or rewards - I will not allow myself to be frustrated at not running a 2hr Half Marathon - because when I cross that finish line whether it be before or after the 3hr mark - I will still be a runner and the encouragers waiting for me at the end with teary eyes are better than any Grammy award.

Date: Saturday, Sept. 8
Distance: 16km
Time: 2:11
Song choice to survive: Come to Me - Bethel Music


  1. Your writing is getting so good - I love your post. (and when I listen to the song when reading it, it makes me cry lol)
    miss you.